As a parenting coach for families with gifted children, I often encounter parents grappling with the intensity, quirks, and challenges that come with raising gifted kids. These children are frequently misunderstood—not just by educators or peers, but sometimes even within their own families. One common misstep is the tendency to conflate the natural traits of giftedness with conditions like ADHD. While these traits can overlap, understanding the distinctions is crucial, especially when decisions about medication are on the table.
A Personal Story: When ADHD Symptoms Vanish Overnight
I’ve experienced this dilemma firsthand. When my own child returns home after spending time with a close relative, he often displays all the hallmarks of ADHD—restlessness, impulsivity, difficulty focusing. In those moments, if he were assessed by a professional, there’s no doubt in my mind he’d receive an ADHD diagnosis. Medication would almost certainly follow.
But here’s the extraordinary part: within 24 to 48 hours of returning home, those "symptoms" vanish.
What happens in that time? He slips back into the rhythm of his natural sleep and waking cycle—one that’s observed, not imposed. His diet returns to foods that nourish his body and mind, again based on observation rather than rules. The pace of life slows, allowing him to consume stimuli at his own rate. Compassionate, attuned parenting creates a sense of emotional safety. Collaborative decision-making, autonomy, and abundant opportunities to contribute restore his sense of agency.
And suddenly, what looked like ADHD isn’t there anymore. What remains are the hallmarks of his giftedness: the curiosity, the quirks, and the intensities that I’ve come to recognise as overexcitabilities—not pathologies.
Navigating a Culture of Quick Fixes
In today’s world, it’s easy to mistake gifted traits for symptoms of ADHD or other conditions. Intense energy, emotional outbursts, hyperfocus, and a tendency to "zone out" in unstimulating environments are common in both populations. Yet in gifted children, these traits often stem from their unique developmental trajectory, not a neurological disorder.
This isn’t to say that ADHD isn’t real, nor that medication isn’t appropriate in some cases. For families navigating the challenges of true ADHD, medication can be a life-changing tool. However, I believe we owe it to our children to pause, reflect, and ask whether the behaviours we see are a sign of unmet needs, a mismatch between the child and their environment, or simply an expression of their giftedness.
A Refreshing Counterbalance in Overwhelmed Spaces
In online communities, such as gifted parenting forums or Facebook groups, it can feel as though there’s a tidal wave of advice urging parents to pursue diagnoses and medication. While these paths are right for some, my expertise offers a counterbalance—one that champions the unique needs of gifted children without pathologising them.
Here’s how I aim to serve these spaces with compassion and understanding:
Recognising Giftedness for What It Is: Helping parents identify the quirks and intensities of giftedness, so they can embrace them as strengths rather than weaknesses.
Normalising Overexcitabilities: Many gifted children display traits that mimic ADHD—heightened energy, emotional intensity, or deep focus. These are not problems to be solved but traits to be understood and channeled.
Exploring Alternatives to Medication: Providing families with evidence-based strategies for managing intensities, including collaborative parenting, lifestyle adjustments, and individualised approaches to education.
Championing Nuance and Respect: Honouring the diversity of each family’s journey, cultural values, and choices. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to parenting a gifted child.
A Compassionate Path Forward
Parenting a gifted child is a journey unlike any other, filled with joys and challenges that are often misunderstood. It takes courage to step back and ask: "Is this really ADHD, or is this simply my child being their intense, extraordinary self?" It takes even more courage to explore alternative paths when the louder voices seem to call for a quick diagnosis and prescription.
Every child–and every family—is unique. My goal is not to judge or prescribe but to empower parents with the tools, insights, and confidence to make informed decisions that truly honour their child’s individuality.
Giftedness is not a disorder. It’s a different way of being in the world—one that calls for understanding, celebration, and a willingness to think outside the box. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about your next steps, know that there are many ways to support your child without losing sight of who they truly are.
留言